When you were newly brought as a second wife into an existing family, you should have blended with them justly. Unfortunately, you were carried away by the fact that your husband was spending lavishly on you and parading you to the whole world like a world-cup trophy.
You never told your husband to fear Allah and be just between you and your elderly co-wife, rather you usurped power and took over the house through coup. You don’t care about his affairs with his other wife, instead you practically supported and connived with him in dealing with the first wife, because you were younger and more beautiful than the first wife.
Now that your husband has married a third wife and has abandoned you the same way he abandoned the first wife for your sake, you now want to quickly reconcile with the first wife and sign a peace treaty with her? This is hypocritical, you can not eat your cake and have it back, you only want to change because the dance steps of your husband no longer favours you. You are now preaching peace and truthfulness, whereas you also concealed the truth in the onset even when you knew it.
THE INJUSTICE OF THE FIRST WIFE
In some other cases, the incoming wife may be a young, gentle and fragile lady, who meets a tyrannical and rugged first wife at home. Such a first wife is ready to go to any length to unleash hell on her new co-wife and her husband, while the new wife voicelessly and hopelessly finds herself at the mercy of the first wife.
Dear first wife,
The fact that you are the first woman in your husband’s life doesn’t make you a ‘lord’ over your subsequent co-wives, so do not police them, they are not your subjects, they are not your kids or grand daughters, they are not your slaves and they are not your housemaids. You all came form different homes to meet in one matrimonial home, so do not make life miserable for them. Being the first wife is only a number, not a flag of authority. There is no verse or ahadith which stipulates that the first wife is greater or more fortunate than the others. Even if you are older than them, respect is not demanded, but rather it’s earned, so respect has to be reciprocated.
Even if you are a professor and your co-wife is not educated, respect has to be reciprocated, a certificate doesn’t make you a good wife, but religious commitment and character does. Do not compete with your co-wife or oppress her, do not condemn her kids, do not keep reminding her that she is only a ‘second wife’ and therefore, a second hand material in the house. Do not beat or scold her simply because she is timid and gentle. Do not intrude in her turns with the man of the house.
Co-wives should learn to take life easy for themselves, how long is this life that your are so bent on fighting eachother tooth and nail? Do you even know if the husband you are fighting over, is destined to die tonight? If your husband suddenly drops dead now, would you still continue fighting? You never know, it may be that you will not even live long and your kids will now be at the mercy of your co-wife. What if you suddenly die now and your infant starts crying for breast milk, there will be no one to suckle your child. If luckily, your co-wife is lactating, she would have to do it for you, while your corpse is lying there lifeless, you can’t even breastfeed your child whom you love so much, you can’t even attend to your child for whose sake you have been competing over your husband so as to secure the sustenance for your children.
Maybe your co-wife whom you have been oppressing and intimidating will now have to take care of your children, cook for them every day, show them love, care and also pamper them like her own children. By then, your bones are already rotten in the grave and you are already facing your accountability.
-Anonymous
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